I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize