You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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