Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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