This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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