so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize