A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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