I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
