It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
