Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
