There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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