I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
