She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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