my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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