You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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