I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize