I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
