my mouth tastes like poor choices
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
