Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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