Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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