Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
