"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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