Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize