Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
