he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize