I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
