Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
