too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
