My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we should paint friendship bongs
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