So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
