please come you make the beer taste better
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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