Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
