Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
