I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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