I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
