we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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