lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want her autograph on my taint
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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