He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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