literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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