just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
