aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
