yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
