it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't deserve a penis
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
