so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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