Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
