the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
