I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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