i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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