If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
