im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
