Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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