You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
