He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
