What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
