maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
