There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
