I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
