My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
