I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i am craving dick and cupcakes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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