I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
