u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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