yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
