Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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