Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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