Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
