I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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