There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
