my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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