I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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