He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
