So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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