3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
