the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
