In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
