omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
