dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
