i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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