Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
