You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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